The Emotion Spectrum
Abandoned
Abused
Abusive
Afraid
Agitated
Agonizing
Aimless
Alone
Angry
Annoyed
Anxious
Appreciative
Argumentative
Arrogant
Ashamed
Astonished
Aware
Awe
Babied
Balanced
Bankrupt
Beaten
Belittled
Belonging
Betrayed
Bitter
Blackmailed
Blamed
Blaming
Blessed
Blocked
Boastful
Bonded
Bored
Boring
Bossy
Brave
Broken by life
Brokenhearted
Burdened
Burdensome
Calm
Cared for
Caught
Centered
Certain
Challenged
Charming
Cheated
Childish
Childlike
Clear
Clever
Clingy
Cloudy-Thinking
Comfortable
Committed
Compassionate
Competent
Competitive
Complacent
Complete
Concerned
Condemned
Condescending
Confident
Conflicted
Confused
Connected
Constricted
Contaminated
Content
Controlled
Controlling
Crazed
Crazy
Creative
Crippled
Critical
Cruel
Curious
Cynical
Deadened
Deceived
Deceptive
Defensive
Dependent
Depleted
Depressed
Deprived
Deserving
Desiring
Despairing
Desperate
Despised
Detached Coldly
Detached in Love
Devastated
Disappointed
Disappointed
Disapproved of
Disapproving
Disbelieving
Disconnected
Diseased
Disempowered
Dishonest
Disliked
Disrespected
Dissatisfied
Distracted
Distraught
Distrustful
Dominant
Doomed
Drained
Dying Inside
Eager
Embarrassed
Empowered
Endangered
Energized
Engaged
Enlightened
Enmeshed
Enraged
Entangled
Envious
Evil
Excited
Exhausted
Expectant
Failure
Fearful
Fearful of Abandonment
Fiercely Independent
Flexible
Foolish
Forgetful
Forgiven
Forgiving
Free-Spirited
Friendless
Friendly
Frigid
Frozen
Fulfilled
Funny
Furious
Giggly
Gracious
Grateful
Grieving
Guided
Guilty
Happy
Hated
Hatred
Helpless
Hoarding
Holy
Homicidal
Hopeful
Hopeless
Horrified
Humble
Humbled
Humiliated
Hungry
Hurt
Ignored
Imbalanced
Impatient
Imposed Upon
Imposing
Impressed
Impressionable
Impressive
Improper
Inadequate
Incapable
Incompetent
Incomplete
Indebted
Indignant
Infatuated
Inferior
Innocent
Insane
Inspired
Insulted
Interested
Interesting
Intolerant
Intuitive
Invigorated
Irresistible
Irresponsible
Irritable
Irritated
Isolated
Jealous
Joyful
Judged
Judgmental
Knowledgeable
Lacking\late
Lazy
Lethargic
Lifeless
Lonely
Lost
Loved
Lucky
Lusting
Lynched
Manic
Manipulated
Manipulative
Martyred
Maternal
Mean
Miffed
Miserable
Misled
Mistreated
Misunderstood
Naive
Narcissistic
Needed
Needy
Numb
Nurtured
Nurturing
Obligated
Obsessed
Offended
Off-track
Open
Optimistic
Orphaned
Out-of-Sync
Outraged
Outspoken
Over Caring
Over Involved
Overly Concerned
Overly Optimistic
Overly Responsible
Overly Sensitive
Overpowered
Overtalkative
Overweight
Overwhelmed
Overworked
Pampered
Panicky
Paralyzed
Paranoid
Passionate
Passionless
Paternal
Patient
Peaceful
Perceptive
Perfectionistic
Phony
Powerful
Powerless
Present
Proper
Protected
Protective
Psychic
Punished
Purposeless
Questioning
Receptive
Regretful
Rejected
Relaxed
Remorseful
Repelled
Repressed
Repulsed
Resentful
Resigned
Resistant
Responsible
Restless
Restrained
Revengeful
Right
Rigid
Robbed
Sad
Safe
Scared
Self-Absorbed
Self-loathing
Sensitive
Sensual
Separate
Serene
Sexual
Shameful
Shocked
Sick
Sickened
Silenced
Silly
Sincere
Singled out
Sneaky
Sorrowful
Spacey
Speechless
Starving
Stressed
Struggling
Stupid
Successful
Suffering
Suicidal
Superior
Supported
Surprised
Surrendered
Tense
Terrified
Tired
Tolerant
Tortured
Tranquil
Trapped
Traumatized
Tricked
Trusting
Ugly
Unappreciated
Unattractive
Uncertain
Uncomfortable
Uncommunicative
Unconcerned
Undecided
Undeserving
Unemployable
Unforgiveable
Unforgiven
Unforgiving
Unfulfilled
Unjustly Accused
Unlovable
Unloved
Unlucky
Unskilled
Unsocial
Unsupported
Untouchable
Untrusting
Unwanted
Unwilling
Unworthy
Upended
Uptight
Used
Useful
Useless
Vengeful
Victimized
Victorious
Violated
Wary
Wasteful
Weakened
Welcomed
Whole
Willing
Wise
Withdrawn
Worn
Worried
Worthless
Wrong
Wronged
Yearning
…
“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”
Bilbo complained to Gandalf about the consequence of bearing the One Ring for over 60 years.
While worshiping J.R.R. Tolkien’s incomparable talent in creating an entire universe in great detail, this sentence hits me hard. I can continue talking about my feelings and reflections on work. It is far from sufficient. But this is not what I will do in this post. I want to focus on a specific topic: the expression of emotions.
Emotions fluctuate. Most of the time, we can’t suppress it easily. It is like we can’t hold our breath longer than a minute. It is only not expressed, not openly escalated, but remains experienced. Sometimes, when not consciously aware of our current mental state, we might feel nothing emotionally.
I have been sitting on this half-support round armchair for an extended period to write this post. I thought I was concentrating on thinking about the topic, organizing the logic, and typing the words, but I deeply experienced boredom.
From outside, sitting next to this three-centimeter too-high round beige office furniture table, I force myself to be consistent and responsible for my personal growth. The lounge music is too loud, and I over-ruled it with AirPods noise cancellation and my own playlist. Theory: I can control and predict, thus less disturbing. No matter it is Latin jazz, Swedish ambient, Chinese pop, German electronic, or Japanese rap. They are MY music.
I changed from wide-open to cross-legged and then to criss-cross. My neck muscles are tight, my back hurts due to sneaky cold air flows, and my waist is sore when I lean forward. The hoodie cap is too heavy to cover my head, and it strangles my neck when I droop behind it.
Everything is normal for a writer. Except for that, I notice them between those millisecond gaps of typing. This is the sign of boredom. It has been an awful week. I barely read anything worth mentioning. My mind has been soaked with greater and more powerful feelings described in the last post than the clearness of writing. There isn’t much I can talk about without insulting anyone. And therefore, I am feeling bored.
It is a mixture of exhaustion from being mentally squeezed by life's scope breaches, tiredness from searching for precision in foreign languages, and drainedness from restless frontal lobe over-planning.
What is the meaning of being crystal clear about our emotions? Can’t we just use ok, not ok, nothing to pass our lives?
I don’t know.
The universe expands infinitely in both directions, outwards and inwards. Being aware of inner experience increases the layers of life, creating complexity. It carries me from one moment of overconfidence and narcissism to tearful sorrow and emptiness.
When people ask me, “How are you doing?” I stuttered. How am I going to explain this ocean of emotions that comes and goes like lightning? I know they don’t care that much about what I am experiencing. And I have trouble prolonging the small talk before a meeting. Then, thousands of descriptions and explanations summarized into I am okay.
I am okay.